A Saturday in LA

Ask and you shall receive, right?

Post my late Friday night fit, which I dealt with by snuggling with my monkey stuffed animal I've had since I was 5 (I am 22 now) and letting a few tears out before I passed out due to extreme tiredness,  I had a great Saturday.

I woke up extra early to do this thing I signed up for where you volunteer reading books to kids at a nearby elementary school - with two other volunteers, we read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and did a craft with them. We also ended up playing some games like musical chairs and I think there was a push up competition in there as well. The two volunteers I worked with were really nice, one girl and one guy. The guy was particularly nice and friendly, and I can't be sure because I am overall a total spaz at all things related to dating and flirting, but I think he was into me. I mean, either that or he was super duper friendly.

Oh gosh, I just had a a really panicked moment. It is taking me a little bit to write this entry, and I just remembered that if I weren't missing class this Wednesday, I would need to be handing in a page of creative writing. Shit. Anyway.

After the whole volunteer thing and a little number exchange (what what) I headed to Intensati, which was really great.

The affirmation we did was the following - I am the master of my fate - I lift myself up to a higher state - with the power of my mind - I will seek and I shall find - I will thrive, not just survive - because I'm focused, and I am grateful, and I feel great!

I though that was appropriate. The ladies in the class were super cool and I ended up talking to one of them and one of the co owners of the studio for a realllly long time, they were super helpful and friendly and just awesome. I was a fan. It made me really happy.

Anyway then S & C and I went to a screening of Annie Hall in a cemetary, and it was just perfect and we split 3 bottles of white wine between us and pasta and bread & cheese and I smoked the first cigarette I've had in awhile and I know that's bad but I don't care, it just felt like a good idea at the time.

It was a good Saturday. I obviously lost interest in this post. Sorry.

Having a minor late night fit. And by late night, I mean its 12:12, which is not really late at all.

I am a perfectionist - I know this, I know this well. I know that I don't often live up to my own expectations, and others don't often live up to my expectations and sometimes life is just plain HARD.

I work really hard at what I do, and even as I'm typing that I'm doubting myself and thinking I could work harder. But I do, I work really hard. I bust my butt, I put a lot of energy into it. I get distracted by the internet sometimes, and get really into the cookies I'm eating, but in general I am pretty good at life.

I think?

I don't know what the point of this tangent is, I just want someone to tell me they love me and that everything is going to be okay.

And since everyone I love is on the east coast and not awake right now, I guess that will have to be me, telling myself that. Dawn: I love you, and everything is going to be okay.

I wish that made me feel better but it didn't really.

I'm just lonely and I feel lost and I know I'll regret writing this all soon enough but right now I just want to get it out!

I know it is normal and natural and everything but I just want a rush of joy right now more than anything.